6 weeks

The addict

The addict meets you and thinks – what can I get from you?

Addict or victim?

The addict’s mind moves very quickly along this one track – at lightning speed. Everything is quick for the addict – talk is cheap and the fix is quick quick quick. You can detect it – there will be a vague idea that they are not really listening to you. They aren’t. Very often they will be looking over your shoulder to see if there is anyone else on the horizon bearing more gifts than you. This is the same for people you meet in the pub, beggars on the street or potential partners in the club. The scan over your shoulder. Look out for it.

He’s behind you!


The addict is listening for clues when they talk to you. Clues to what they can get from you. Where do you live? Money. What’s your job? Money. I like your tattoo/boots/piercings. All evidence that you carry a hidden story that – if shared – could be a potential gold mine for them. The addict’s currency is sharing stories. Once you have given them yours, you are ‘best friends.’ The addict loves you instantly. The addict is your new best friend.

Your tattoos are clues


Next come the freebies. The addict will struggle to find freebies to give to you and sometimes will resort to giving you things that are not even theirs! Don’t worry though. It will soon even out when they start stealing from you – which they will. One addict best friend I had stole my show fee out of my bag, my hat and even my dress. Yes he stole the clothes off my back. Everything is a trade. If you accept the gifts at the start then you accept a relationship with the addict. It’s not so much a relationship as a pact.

I miss my hat

Sugar rush

It feels great at first! Who doesn’t want a dangerously sexy or mysterious new best friend? If you are an addict (for love) too then what a sugar rush! But remember –

The addict meets you and thinks – what can I get from you?

Soon you are giving time, buying drinks, lending money, spending days in their bed. It’s payback time but with an addict there are no limits to what they need. It’s repetitive behaviour. The addict lives in a circle. A hamster’s wheel. A 360. You jump on. Or maybe they join you. Either way, round and round you go. It never stops. Your life together is a series of endless fixes – whether that is sex, drugs, drink , verbal abuse. The rest of your life begins to slide. They get tired of you – or it is that you are getting tired? It’s beginning to feel like you had all the life sucked out of you. Addicts are parasites.


Fall out

You fall out because you said no. No. The addict now uses that hidden story you shared to hit you hard. (I told you it was currency.) Maybe you throw some back at them. They move onto the next one they saw over your shoulder and maybe you feel a bit lonely and inadequate. What happens next? You meet the addict.

The addict meets you and thinks – what can I get from you?

Sound familiar? There is a way to step off that 360 hamster’s wheel and find the one. The 361. It’s different for everyone. Maybe you just need to say no or maybe you need to look at your own addictions. I miss mine but since I gave them up I spent the time I gained (and I gained lots) developing the 361 recovery programme to help women work out how they can escape from a 360 cycle. It’s easy to fall into these patterns following loss. This recovery programme helps you to see how you got there and to plot your own way out. With the 361 you can flip that addict question round and ask – what can I get from this? What did I learn? What changes can I make? That is finding the one. The 361.

Alice Smith 2019

loss #grief #survivor #domesticabuse #domesticabusesurvivor #lifecoach #coach #midlife #writer #narcissist #coercivecontrol #dating #menopause #forties #fifties #wisewoman #empowerment #wellness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #women #dating #addiction. #marriage #divorce #alcoholic #relationships #love #death #soul #spirit #sober #sobriety #addict

Published by 361one

when I write I am a king. Listen to more at 361 live podcast

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