Are you better now?
Are you better now? I don’t know. Am I better now? Hang on, I’ll ask. I lost everything – repossession heaped shame on me leading to PTSD, job loss and more shame. Am I better now? I like to post pictures of myself – before and after. But am i after? Am I officially better? Are you? How will we know?
Happy ever after
I used to think that bad things might happen to you in your life but you got better. And then everything went back to normal. The truth is more complicated than that. After any loss there is a period when we must simply stand and survey the damage. In my case I could physically see it. I was severely underweight and shut out of my house with two children. Bailiffs stickers on windows. Staff rooms where no one spoke to me. A dead pet left as a gift by the person i had been married to.
Quite clearly, loss is messy.
If we run away from the wreckage we delay this process of absolute despair. Because in the ashes are clues for us to rebuild.
Reader, I ran away.
How can we recover from loss? Step by step. We need help because if we hide from it, run from it or bury it under holidays, new partners, house moves, guess what?
It won’t stay buried.
Loss is like a ticking time bomb. We need help to dig it up carefully and examine it. The 361 helps you decide what to salvage. Forgiveness is a powerful tool at this stage.
How long will it take?
People often ask me ‘If I do the 361, how long will it take?’ When will I be better? It’s important to realise that recovering from loss is long term. (I said it was complicated!) It could take years. The quick fix doesn’t work – I tried every one. The truth is, if we party or take a new partner, we are partying on that buried loss. It’s a landmine at this stage. It can’t rest in peace. You can’t rest in peace. It rots us from the inside.
Are you better now?
No. I think this question should really be – Are you more like your old self now? No.
I will never be my old self. That’s someone I lost because of the loss.
Loss involves further loss.
But there is good news. After a loss, we lose some of our old friends but we gain new ones. We may lose jobs but we gain new directions and new work. After divorce comes a sense of freedom. Whether we like it or not, we gain a new life with new people in – and keep the precious few people that stood by us.
We are still breathing. We are not dead. We still have sweet life.
The 361 recovery programme can help you rebuild your life following loss. Discover who you are going to be. It is kept safe in the ashes of what you were. The 361 starts with a 360 of your life. Decide what to keep and what to leave behind. The 361 helps you to find a new way to be when you are at your most raw. Find the one day at a time and the one step after the other. Find the one. The 361.
Alice Smith 2019
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