Celibacy vow

Vow of celibacy to self Weston super mare beach September 2016

Fix

The first time

Lost and found amongst the chatter

Silence matters.

I sit alone but it’s good for my health

because I sit with myself

for the first time…

and listen to the precursor, cursory

conversations

that will lead to denigrations over breakfast.

Will you break fast with these men who hate

how easily you rate yourself as lost?

Or will you find that ultimately

life is essentially kind to those who search?

When you’re lost you’re merchandise.

They roll the dice and on the floor you’re a four.

A ten would make them high,

then low again.

High – dangling on a string but you –

‘your thing’…

it’s too easy.

You don’t please yourself

so there’s an expectation that an irrational conversation is enough.

But you….

YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH.

You’re half the woman you’ll ever be

but it’s catching, this …medicority…it’s matching

‘cos he’s half the man he’ll ever be.

Are you ever going to see the light

‘cos you’ve got no money, honey

and the floor is where you spend the night?

Fail – and fail harder on your little square of sunshine.

You’re his brittle dare, Sunshine.

Find yourself, not another shadow of a lost boy.

Lose your desire to be a toy.

Broken people need a fix.

Fix yourself – not with party tricks

but listen with your ear to the ground.

Lying…..in the Lost and Found.

Space

The survivor needs a period of celibacy to create the space to recover. 361 recovery programme suggests 2 years.

In recovery, why do we want to date? Be honest. Is it for sex? It took me a long time to realise why I was dating – I was scared of being alone. Now I love it.

Two years isn’t that long. It will clear your mind. It’s space to regroup in your head. Find a sexual substitute but I can tell you that the cravings do stop fairly quickly.

Celibacy is investing in our future mental health.

What we do now will build our future. Do we really want to keep repeating the same broken relationships with unhealed emotions? When we have begun to heal of course we can add people into our loves. Once we are self assured, strong and grounded. Find the voice of reason in a world of quick fixes. Find the one. The 361.

Find out more about the 361 recovery programme at http://www.goddesse.co.uk

Alice Smith 2020

#recovery #celibacy #mentalhealthrecovery #domesticabuse #domesticabusesurvivor #survivor #sex #sexanddating #writing #writer #poet #poetry #writingastherapy #beataddiction #divorce #relationships #sexandlove #bereavement #loss

Published by 361one

when I write I am a king. Listen to more at 361 live podcast

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