The struggle is real
Are we two people? Do we have a good side and a bad side? Are they in a constant battle? Do we get drunk then wake up the next day and say ‘It wasn’t me. I didn’t do those things.’ Are we Clark Kent at work and some sort of wild woman on the evenings? Whatever your life looks like, the struggle is real my friend.
It wasn’t me. I didn’t do those things
I’ve lived a life where I did things then said it wasn’t me. Have you? When I drank I became a different person. If you know the story of Jekyll and Hyde then you get the picture. I was respectable and fairly polite when I was sober. I was Dr Jekyll. When I drank I became rude, loud and Party Girl of the Century. I fell off chairs. I offended people. I blocked them. I slept with them. I fell over a lot. I shouted. I was hysterical sometimes. I looked beautiful as Mr Hyde. So it was ok. For everyone else.
Jekyll creates an elixir – a magical drug that can split him into so that sometimes he is this fantastic person and sometimes he is a savage creature. The great thing about the story is how honest it is. Jekyll says he LOVES it, he RELISHES being Hyde. When he is doing exactly what he wants, he feels free. For a moment.
The feeling doesn’t last.
I’m lovin’ it
What is your magic drug of choice? It could be real drugs or alcohol, partying, shopping, eating, sex. Or maybe you have a temper you just can’t control. What is it in your life that you can’t control? It’s a mistake to either ignore it (it gets bigger) or try to box it in (the box becomes too small.) That’s how alcoholics lose their jobs and people become obese or end up in debt or in court. These appetites we have are normal. But in some of us, they get out of control. Then we are no longer lovin’ it.
It was me
The 361 recovery programme is designed for women you may be feeling out of control. In the story Hyde takes over and ruins Jekyll’s life. Of course they are the same person but the two sides are at war. The 361 can help you to find ways to handle your appetites. Handle – never control. There is usually one small step that leads to a major recovery. For me it was giving up alcohol. When I gave up my magic drug, i stopped transforming into someone I did not want to be. That person is still there. That person is me.
It was me. I did all those things.
The 361 can help you find that first step – whatever it may be. Only you know. Find the one. The 361.
Alice Smith 2019
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