Victim porn

Just as people used to make sandwiches and pack them to go see a public hanging (Nice bit of tongue, William.’ ‘Pass the mustard, Anne’ ) so we read the news for a nice slice of victim porn. Not me! I hear you cry. Oh yes, even you Mrs Bakeoff! Everyone watches it ….

Watch other people suffer

Entertain me!

Reality tv is victim porn. Watching people in the Big Brother house fall apart mentally and slide onto the floor howling for their lost child is victim porn. We are getting aroused mentally, emotionally and maybe even sexually in some cases by the sight of women in bikinis losing their tops and their mental health in the jacuzzi. Don’t believe me? Ask yourself why are you watching it? The chances are you say it helps you to relax. What that really means is that it helps you to switch yourself off. You are on standby. The lights are on but no one’s home and you can open a can, switch off all judgement along with all your worries and responsibilities and enjoy watching other people suffer.

You are a fat amateur

What he did to you

The news is victim porn. Or it can be. In the case of domestic abuse it definitely is. A couple of years back, I was chosen to be the spokesperson for domestic abuse with the press as a new law was being lobbied in parliament. It ended before it had begun. The press did not want to know about my new business, my new life or my sobriety. The press wanted to know all the juicy details of ‘what he did to you.’ Eventually, they dropped me and found two more women on that circuit who happily smile, looking sexy for pics whilst plugging their new book, listing all the torture porn you could stuff down your face in one sitting. Burp!

Victim porn sells

Victimhood keeps us from changing.

Stop. Look. Listen

Have you ever chosen to be a victim? It’s tempting. It’s warm and it’s cosy. No victim ever chooses to be bullied, attacked or raped. Of course they don’t and it’s right that victims of crime should be treated with care. But how long do you want to remain a victim? I know women who are survivors of domestic abuse and they are still presenting themselves as victims 10 years on. Is there another way? When do you stop being a victim?

A lotta laughs

Personally I got a lot out of being a victim. I would tell my story to whoever I met and I would get sympathy, possibly a shag, free drinks and a listening ear – over beer. It was a phase I needed in the early years but as I recovered mentally it began to feel unhealthy. Being a victim is putting ourselves underneath people in the social hierarchy. It’s like we are saying, ‘Hi please feel sorry for me.’ This inequality can be dangerous if we meet people who are looking to take advantage of us.

Duvet decades

Duvet decade

It is a temptation to stay in the victim duvet though because it’s warm and brings friends and enablers and other things. Stepping out of the victim duvet is just as scary as the actual event that put is in there. How to move on and get up? The 361 can be an alarm clock. By carefully looking at how we see ourselves (victim, survivor, loser, winner) we can challenge some of those labels we have given ourselves. Remember, there will always be an audience for our story if we stay as a victim. Public hangings were public holidays. Big Brother has millions of viewers. But what about us? Do we really want to hide in a duvet for the rest of our lives with the same old story? Or do we want to begin to create a new story about ourselves and our lives up to this point – with that one foot out of the duvet. The 361 can help. Find the one. The 361.

Alice Smith 2019

#recovery #mentalhealth #victim #survivor #mentalheathawareness #domesticabuse #survivor #labels #evolution #wellness #spiritualawakening #healing #lifecoach #coach #writer #midlife #recoveryfromabuse #trauma #choices #duvetday #depression #ptsd #recoveryfromtrauma

Published by 361one

when I write I am a king. Listen to more at 361 live podcast

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