The moments that make us

Momentous

Five

Life is made up of moments that make us. In between the mundane and the small and the routine are the moments that we will never forget. They may be moments we wish we could change. Moments when our life changed for the better – or worse. Moments of sheer happiness. When we met someone we now love. When we had our first child. When we won something. Within everyone’s life, if you ask them for their top 5 moments, at least one of them will be the moment they lost something precious. What are the moments that make you? Take a moment to think. Maybe share in the comments. Here are mine –

  1. Marriage Number one – beautiful sunny day full of hope

2. Birth of first child – life changed forever. So scary to be responsible for another human.

3. Birth of second child – life changed again forever

4. The moment my first husband told me he didn’t love me anymore in front of a complete stranger at Relate – emotional pain is physical pain. Wow.

5. Seeing my father die – Uplifting and emptying in equal measure.

Takeout

What are your 5 moments?

What were yours? When you know that you can only choose 5 moments there is a weird sorting process taking place in your mind. A prioritising. An ordering. I threw out the day my second husband left (thank God), those subsequent moments in court, repossession day (sorry bailiffs!), graduations, birthdays. I threw out many moments I hold as special. What did you throw out? Why?

Transition

Looking over my 5 BIG life moments I realise I had chosen transitions. Transitions are major changes in life. I chose moments that changed me as a person. I went from a single woman to a wife to a mother to a divorcee in my BIG moments and finally lost a parent. This grief is another transition. Did you choose any transitions? What were they and how did they affect you afterwards? I wasn’t too bad adapting to being a wife or a mother but losing that role of wife hit me badly. I had defined myself purely by this term.

I could not accept the loss.

Shut up and dance!

Not accepting transitions or losses is common. We can regress or hit the bottle, party, spend, holiday, get promiscuous, buy new heels and marry again. We can keep rooms as shrines, stay single, get sober, cry, not cry, buy a car, move house. These are all reactions to loss that create further chaos. What if there is a better way?

The 361 recovery programme helps you to get a clear perspective on some of these moments that made you. Because they did make you- but it is only by looking back with guidance that we can see this. The marriage made me a mother. The births made me a less selfish and a more nurturing person – gradually…..the divorce blew my life open and it took me 20 years to recover. Why so long?

Because I could not accept it.

If I had done a recovery programme like the 361 20 years ago, I would have saved myself a lot of emotional upheaval through repeating cycles of behaviours. This is why it has been developed – to help guide women out of 360 circles of behaviour. To help women find the one moment that truly made them. To find the one. The 361. Now look at your list again . Choose the the moment that made you.

I choose the moments that broke me.

They made me who I am now. That’s emotional evolution. What did you choose?

Alice Smith 2020

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Published by 361one

when I write I am a king. Listen to more at 361 live podcast

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