In part 3 of her blog series from the hospital bed ‘Connecting to the mother keyboard‘ Alice Smith wonders – Does God really love a trier?
Try harder myth number 1. Try harder. Having been evicted from the teaching profession in 2015 – school teaching now officially being a Try Harder profession – I earnestly believed back then that God loves a Trier. This dramatic eviction from a private school where I had Tried Hard broke something in me. Just like the boyfriend who constantly picks at your appearance, classroom teaching as a way to earn money is Toxic. You can always Not Enough. Constant negative appraisal works the same in both shame based spheres.
Sound familiar? Well let’s move on out to the cosy charity sector shall we? Women’s Aid. Champions of the survivor – or should I say victim? I made it all the way to the interview for a trustee role on one broken leg only to be asked – are you a grafter? Will you Alice Smith take us Women’s Aid and Try Harder? Yep….hello the abusive cycle (Try harder – Not Enough – Try harder – Not Enough) has now infiltrated survivor organisations.
Am I a grafter? Are you? Well if you look up the original definition of the word, it means trickster. So yes I will take the label – but not the unpaid trustee role.
What’s the answer? Create our own businesses, rules, side hustles and keep them fresh. Only give our energy to places where we are celebrated (and paid?) Don’t Try hard. Simply live. Breathe. You deserve this life. You don’t have to prove your worth to be here on this fabulous earth. Stop Trying. You are Enough.
Alice Smith is recovering from a serious injury and writing as series of blogs called ‘Connecting to the mother keyboard.’