One of the reasons I listen to Spotify and not to radio is that I can control my mind. Most pop music is about not being able to love or breathe without someone who just fucked off. Or how to get that person back. (I want you back.) I can’t think, breathe or sleep until I get you back. Sorry. Or if we really have moved continent then we get stalker lyrics ‘Every breath you take, I’ll be watching you.’ Pop music encourages codependency.
I absolutely love music but since I’ve stopped dating I have noticed how much musical mind control there is – wherever we go. Even when swimming! Why? I swim to clear my mind…. but there it is – buy a new kitchen! A carpet! And by the way – you are the one and I want you back!How did love change from service we give to one another (family) to this absolute worship of another? Our partners have become our new Gods. We need them to breathe/live/die happily if they are by our side.
How did I not notice this about music until now? It’s a form of mind control. These lyrics have been influencing my mind since I was 14 and creating the problems of my 20’s and 30’s. We need a new definition of love that is not defined by society’s attempts to sell us music.The truth is – I don’t want you back. I can breathe really well on my own. Surprise! And I am loving my life now. It’s not – Thank u, it’s – no thanks for asking. But would that message sell? You know it wouldn’t. Why are we still buying it?
I don’t want you back. But I did. For years, How did I get here? The 361 recovery programme has been developed to help you get to the point where you can say ‘I don’t want you back.’ Everything will be ok. Everything will be more than ok without you. After a breakup or a divorce or leaving abuse, we need time to work out what happened. I call it ‘surveying the wreckage.’ Looking at what we did. Our part. The 361 recovery programme helps you to look at your decisions without blame. Because if we continue to blame others, recovery is not possible. We are more likely to want them back and to Try Harder. (A big trap I fell into time and time again – linked to feeling Not Enough.) By focusing on our part and our choices, we don’t get him back, we get ourselves back. Yes, you find out you’ve changed but that’s ok too. The 361 can help you to identify the new strengths you have now. Give yourself time to work out what they are before taking yourself into a another relationship. Because single, you will live, You will breathe. And you will get someone back. You. Find the one. The 361.
Alice Smith 2021