Dear Mr Blue ….

Dear society, does my pain offend you? Draw curtain. Open mouth. Insert highly toxic morphine. Shut up. Where am I again? Mmmmmm…….make mine a double shot……

Alice Smith writes about pain in part 1 of a series from the hospital bed ‘Connecting to mother keyboard.

Society encourages us to medicate whenever we feel pain. Nowhere is this more evident than in the hospital ward. Approaching the end of recovery from a serious injury I have been high for 70% of time I was on the ward – despite telling staff I am a recovery alcoholic. Is it any wonder we have an opioid crises when pills are the sweets now used to stop us crying out in pain?

Over nine excruciating weeks I have had plenty of time to examine the relationship between pain and fear. Not for an MA. For myself. Guess what I found out?

Curtains for you

Pain is an emotion affected by the reactions of others. It makes you uncomfortable nurse? Draw curtain. Open mouth. Insert highly toxic morphine. Shut up. Where am I again? Mmmmmm…….make mine a double shot next time……

Where does that pain go?

It’s just you and your pain in a hospital bed at 3am.

Pain threshold shaming

I lost count of how many times nurses mentioned my pain threshold – some said high, some said low. Surely it’s not fixed? Like our mood, our reaction to pain is going to vary from hour to hour and day to day? If you admit to pain and show pain well then…..you have a low pain threshold. You have failed to be a productive member of society. Stop showing this emotion! Do not cry! Draw curtain. Open mouth. Insert highly toxic morphine. Shut up. Where am I again? Mmmmmm…….make mine a double shot……

Where does that pain go?

Trigger happy

In hospital with PTSD you may as well be speaking a foreign language. Trauma, what? That’s a physical thing (spoken slowly)- fixed with medication according to the medical model. Mental health somehow got separated from our bodies and now we lie like those soldiers after world war 1 knowing something is wrong and feeling ‘othered.’ This is what I discovered through being endlessly triggered by professionals who don’t listen :

Our triggers come from mismanaged fear.

Pass the biscuits Duncan

The fact is that we are all in pain and morphine or alcohol or biscuits or sex does not take away the pain . It only numbs it. Next time you feel pain (emotional or physical) notice what you reach for. And notice other people’s reactions to it – Fear? Hiding? Enabling? Embarrassment? Draw curtain. Open mouth. Insert highly toxic morphine. Shut up. Where am I again? Mmmmmm…….make mine a double shot……

Alice is recovering from a serious injury. This is part one of a series of Blogs from the hospital bed called ‘Connecting to mother keyboard.’

Published by 361one

when I write I am a king. Listen to more at 361 live podcast

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